FUCK YOU I WANT JELLO.

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"Are there even special effects in Harry Potter?"

'Holy shit, did you just say that? That is so going onto facebook as my favourite quote.'

I got a story for you right here.
[link]

WELL ONE TIME I FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE SECRET TECHNIQUE TO SCREAMING AND NOW IM RAPING THE HELL OUT OF IT

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Aqua les paul

it's called jelly

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I'm gonna blast you with my Crimp Pump!

photos? [link]

Story:

"Let me out up here," said the dirty man in the back. The old car screeched as it slowed to a stop at the curb, and the man stepped out into the cold, smokey air. He crammed the fare into the driver's sweaty hand and nodded to him. He sniffed the misty air, bloody and dirty, adjusted his cap, and stepped toward the building. He crept up the stairs, his heart beginning to speed up a pace or two as he prepared for the encounter. He could hear their shitty music shaking the place, muffled shouts and squealing girls. He stopped, calmed himself, adjusted his gloves, and continued toward the door. Room 1-1. The place where his life would change.

He smashed down the door and saw the same ugly creatures from before, drinking and partying with some drunk girls, barely conscious. They turned to him, shocked to see that he was alive after what they'd done to him, and scrambled to their feet. The girls screamed and ran for the door, and the bastards rushed him. He crammed his foot into the short one's face and shoved him away, and ducked out of the other's punch. The hulk hopped toward the bed, springing off of it up over him, nearly scraping his fleshy scalp on the rough spackled cieling. The man rolled to the left, and the creature's feet hit the ground with a splintering crack. He quickly crawled to his feet and turned, throwing a punch, and cracked the bastard's beak. The short one charged him as the large one collapsed into the dresser, pulling down the VCR as he tried to catch himself. It tackled him to the ground, gnashing its massive teeth, and the man pushed it up over him, stuck his foot in its mouth, and thrusted it toward the armored reptile across the room.

He rested for a moment, then rose to his feet, slowly. He approached the pile of thugs and grabbed the larger one by his shell. He turned him around and held him by his throat, staring into his eyes with pained ferocity. "Where is your boss?" The broken monster spat its own blood and teeth from its jagged beak attempting to laugh at the question. "Who do you take me for, huh? I'm not tellin' you shit." He scowled, stared at the creature for a moment, then backed away. He paced around the room for a moment, then remembered what the helmet-headed man had given him earlier. He reached into his pocket and produced a small charm, a flower, and pinned it to the glove on his right hand. He flew back across the room toward the crippled monster, grabbed his fleshy collar, and raised his fist to him once more. "I'm going to ask you again," He paused. Suddenly, the man's right hand burst into flame. "Where is he?" The scaley wretch looked up at him in panic, and he stuttered, trying to spit out something useful that would save him.

"L-look, okay, I know why you're here. My boss kidnapped your girlfriend and you're trying to save her, I get that, okay? Knight in shining armor shit, real noble, right?"

He swallowed, staring into the bright flames wrapping around the man's glove, never ending.

"But I can't tell you where he is, okay? He'd kill me man, you gotta understand-"

He violently shook the turtle by his neck, interrupting him.

"And what makes you think -I- won't kill you?"

He swallowed again, shaking, trying to produce the right words that would get him out of this alive.

"A-alright, look. Him and some of our guys have taken over the old castle in the middle of town, okay? The big one the tourists always go take pictures with."

The man stared into the monster's eyes, and he saw true fear, he saw a creature begging for life. He was telling the truth.

"You can't tell a fuckin' soul that I told you. Mercy, man. Please."

The man stepped slowly toward the door, hardened, pained, but ready to do what he had to. As he walked away, the creature spoke once more.

"You'll never reach King Koopa... You should stop now while you've still got a chance."

He stopped where he stood. The man turned his head, slowly, back toward the creature behind him. He could see in his eyes the raw determination that fueled him, and he knew that he would never give up until his heart in his chest pumped its last drop of blood.

He turned away, and strode out the door.

The small creature hobbled over to the turtle, and muttered through his broken teeth, "Dead man walking."

The reptile rubbed his swelling head and replied, "No..."

"He's got another guy."

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"No matter what I do in life, I will never be as successful, in any meaning of the word, as High School Musical on Ice."

-Benito Cereno

JELL-O IS PRETTY MUCH ALL I CAN EAT RIGHT NOW YOU BETTER SHARE.

THAT'S MY STORY.

actually, the non-brand name would be Gelatinous Dessert. Jelly is something else AGAIN.

no it isnt! jelly is the wobbly bollocks you have at birthday parties with ice cream.

--
I'm gonna blast you with my Crimp Pump!

photos? [link]

There's always room for Jello.